Riddles
by AuronKae
Summary: A collection of riddles/what if? scenarios that all our favorite Gears are hit with and are forced to respond to. Cowritten by Auron Kae and Jord
1. To kill or forgive?

None of the characters belong to us–Epic Games created these epic characters. Wow that was cheesy. The story was written by both Auron_Kae (Gears of War Alphabet, Edge of Defense) and Jord (A Grievous Redemption) to the best of their ability. Enjoy_!_

**Written by: Auron_Kae**

_Being a Logistics officer on a slow day can get boring, which lead Anya Stroud to ask this question over a beer at the local pub:_

In a village, a man's family is brutally murdered – through an act of vengeance, and he is left unharmed and alive. After having apprehended his killer, the village headman presents the murderer, bound, to the grieving man. The trio, along with some of the other villagers, then walk towards a deep lake. Here, the headman tells the man that justice will be served according to the man's wishes. He can cast the killer, his hands and feet still tied securely, into the lake and watch him drown. Or he could put an end to the hate and untie the man, thereby forgiving him. **What choice does the man make?**

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**Marcus: *****grunts*** Fine, I'll answer.***sips*** He kills the bastard. Even though the man might have a reason, he did the crime. He should pay for it.

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**Dom: *****takes a long time to answer, chewing it over*** Hell no, I wouldn't let the bastard live. If you met the men that were responsible for your mom's death, would you do it? No, just... just don't ask me those types of questions, okay?

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**Baird: **You're seriously asking me this question? You know, I _could_ say the things the little preppy schoolteachers say... 'Oh, you should _always_ forgive!' or something insane like that. Truth is, are you really gonna let this piece of shit go when he could do that to other families? If you let him go, he'll only do it again. Mercy doesn't change really think a Stranded would stop stealing if you let him go? That's stupid.

Yo, Barkeep! Another round! Anya has to put her head on straight.

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**Cole: **You know I'm all for the forgive-and-forget stuff, ma'am, but it ain't like he'd stop if he were let go. He'd stop if he was _dead_. ***pause* **But I'd want to know more about the man I'm killin' before I'd make my decision.

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**Hoffman: **You want me to answer this? Well, alright then. ***takes a long sip of beer*** Good stuff, better than what we get in the mess...

I wouldn't drown him... no, no, too easy. I'd give him to Mataki. She'd figure out which cookbook category the asshole could fall under.

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**B. Carmine: **I'd forgive the man. I know he killed my brothers and my ma, but there could be something that made him do it. What if _I_ had to do something like that? What if I had no choice? Besides, we're all supposed to be together in the war. The more humans the less grubs, right? I just... don't think I could kill a human.

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**Bernie Mataki: **Anya, sweetie, why are you thinking up things like this? ***sighs*** I would kill the tosser. You guys are my family, you know that. Why are you even asking this question?

Oh, of course, just wondering... Honey, please go wonder something else. Try the old chicken-and-the-egg one next time, okay?

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**Tai:** It is not with our right or responsibility to dictate if a man lives or dies. If he knew of the punishment going in then it is himself he killed alongside the innocent, and his right to be tried by the justice that holds him. I would not take a man's rights away.


	2. Does my butt look big?

**Written by: Jord**

_A hot woman comes up to Delta and asks if her butt looks big in her new shorts. She is a little chunky_. **What do they say?**

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**Marcus:** If you wanna wear a polka-dot swimsuit over a pin-striped suit – be my guest. It's a free country.

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**Dom:** I uh – think I see my sergeant over there – gotta do some post-war recon. Lemme get back to you on that some other time, okay? ***stumbles over to Marcus*** Yo, _Sarge_, wait up!

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**Cole**: Babycakes, you're gonna look beautiful in anything you wear. And I mean _anything_. ***winks***

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**Baird:** _Hell yes_. Don't you ever take a look at yourself in the mirror? You could still stand to lose a couple, though. I mean, the war's over – sure – but that doesn't mean you gotta let obesity run rife, do ya? Think about arterial blockage, diabetes, gastrointestinal diseases. Hell, you don't even hafta think in terms of illness – think of the insurance costs! You think the COG's got enough resources to take care of corpulent cases? It's all about _prevention_, sweetheart, _prevention_. ***shakes his head*** _Man_...

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**Hoffman:** ***swallows*** Hon, I've been through fire and brimstone. I've seen my men die; I've held them in my arms as they died. I've heard enough sounds of gunfire, mortars, and emergence holes to last me a hundred lifetimes. That shit; all those memories have given me _instincts_. And my instincts are honed and sharpened to perfection. So much so that all the red lights and warning bells are making a danged frenzy in my head right now. So you know what that means, now don't you? ***woman shakes her head, no*** That means that even if we're the last two people on this planet, there's no way in _hell_ I'm gonna answer that question.

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**Carmine:** Of course not! I mean, you'll probably look great in almost anything. I – I mean not _almost_ anything, I meant _anything_. Yeah. I mean the shorts are small, but they're uh – not too small for you – I mean, they're small as in kid-sized. ***pauses a moment before quickly speaking in a high-pitched voice*** Not that you're a kid! You're a woman, who can fit into kids' shorts – hey Sarge! _Sarge!_ Wait up! ***runs after Marcus***

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**Tai:** I think you already know the answer to that yourself. But you're second-guessing your own voice. Don't look to others for approval – some will give you respectful advice, while most will doubt your self-confidence. And that's never a good first impression to give off. Go with your gut. If you like yourself in those clothes, _wear them_. And then don't give a damn about what others think.


	3. Death: Sooner or Later?

Written by: Auron_Kae

_Distressed by a gruesome death of yet another squad, Anya asks a troubling question to her fellow soldiers when she acquires time with them._..

You are alone in a battle and there is no way out that does not lead to your death. You are outnumbered and wounded, but you spotted a hiding space that could give you cover for a short time. Would you prolong the inevitable or meet it head on?

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**Marcus: *****does not answer right away, frowning at Anya, then talks slowly* **I'm dead either way, ain't I? But if hiding means I can take more grubs with me, then I'll hide. If it doesn't matter ***shrug*** then I'll go out fighting.

***Marcus looks at Anya* **You look tired... go to bed.

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**Dom: **I'd like to think it doesn't matter, but it does. We're humans, we have self-preservation. Obviously, we'd _want_ to stretch it out, right? I don't know what I'd do. It depends on the situation–why isn't the rest of the squad with me? If they're in trouble, I'd hole up and trying to find a way out.

Fine. If I knew there was no way out I'd go out like my brother. I shouldn't be worth it to mount a rescue attempt, and I won't be taken by the grubs.

***says a bit quieter***Look, I know about what happened today with those guys, but don't start thinking like the rest of us. Just... keep staying Anya, okay? If you got any problems, you can lay them on me.

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**Cole: **Uh, ma'am, what kind of question is that? Whichever way kills the most grubs.

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**Baird: **Anya, Golden Rule: take cover. So I'm going to take cover. Obviously. ***snorts and continues to eat***

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**Hoffman: **I agree with the Private, Lieutentant–if it kills more of those damn grubs

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**Bernie: *looks concerned* **Anya, honey, is something the matter? Nothing, is it? ***drops a defecated animal corpse on the table, wipes hands on armor* **You know what? I think we've worked hard enough today. Come on, let's go get a drink.

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**Tai: **If it is my time, I will go. There is no fighting Fate, so why would I hide from it? ***smiles and continues to separate ammo rounds***


	4. Is the grass greener?

_Written by: Jord_

Delta squad have hit the pub again. Anya's ready for a second round of questioning.

**Is the grass greener on the other side? Explain your reasoning.**

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**Marcus:** Greener. Blue-er, Yellow-er. If it ain't got grubs, I'll take it.

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**Dom: ** _Sometimes_, sometimes y'know, the grass is greener on both sides. If you got the right person with you. ***looks away***

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**Cole: **Green makes me think 'bout thrashball again, yo. ***smiles to himself*** I got a feeling that after the war, everything's gonna look green. Know what I mean?

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**Baird:** I know that one. It's not green on either side. Don't get it? Let me illuminate a couple things for you. Okay, so here's the thing; you got side A and side B and they're separated by a fence. And say you're on side A, and you look over, and then you decide for yourself that side B looks better. What do you do? You jump over the fence. And then you dance a little on side B till you get tired of it. Then you look over to side A, and think about all the good times you had with side A, and then you jump back over to the other side. And by that time, side A doesn't want you anymore, and you can't find her either; she's left you for good... **Anya:** _She?_ **Baird: *looks shocked*** Uh..._what?_

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**Carmine: **You know I always liked grass. I used to love the smell of it; y'know, after it's cut. And early in the morning too. Did I ever mention that I like to garden?

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**Hoffman:** _Grass?_ Your eyes look glassy. You been puffing a few? I don't know where you got that stuff, and I don't _want_ to know. But we have a strict _no-tolerance_ policy on that kind of behaviour in the COG.

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**Bernie: **It _looks_ green. Have you ever been to a polluted dock? The water is darker than a rat's ass, but if you look to the horizon the water looks pleasantly blue. It's only when you get over there you realize it's just as nasty as the water back there. Then the more you try to follow that damn cool blue water on that horizon you're hit by everything the sea can throw at you--waves, fish bigger than yourself, storms...

Ah, don't go on my metephorical reasoning. Go try it yourself. I find doing something stupid yourself normally negates your will to do it again. ***smiles***

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**Tai:** Someone ought to hold the whiskey from our good Colonel. ***smiles*** I don't know if you know, but when he's downed more than a few, he gets a little hard of hearing. Anyway. Where was I? Yes, the grass. It depends. On whether your mind is satisfied or not. To the compulsive worrier, the compulsive pessimist, yes. The grass is eternally greener on the other side. The wiser man can find joy in the simpler things in life, he is easier to please – so he is happier where he is. Being the simpler man has its disadvantages, of course. As someone used to put it: "A reasonable man adapts to his surroundings. An unreasonable man expects his surroundings to adapt to him. Therefore, all progress is made by unreasonable men." I'll leave you to mull over that one.

**A/N: The quote that Tai makes is one by George Bernard Shaw (an Irish playwright). I dunno if I'm using the exact words, but that's definitely the gist of it.**


End file.
